you guys were way drunker than both of me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
