i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
