Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
