I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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