either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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