Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
