bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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