smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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