you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my liver is dry heaving
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
