literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
be right there i have to get my cape
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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