my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
