he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
