why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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