I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
