i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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