i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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