Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
