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just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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