I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
