You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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