Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
