U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize