Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
