so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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