And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
