i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
