You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
