I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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