I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
