It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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