Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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