I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
