When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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