But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it hurts more in the daytime
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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