Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
