Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
