the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
