Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
