I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
