I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
