I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
