how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
tell me about the fingering
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