I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
