we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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