u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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