It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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