Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
