I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
