He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
