Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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