He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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