Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
