I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
