be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
