He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
