Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The uberlube is also flammable
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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