That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
