I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
