Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize