I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize