I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
