I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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