I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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