I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
