epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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