I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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