And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize