I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
