i would punch a child for taco bell
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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