I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
