Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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