You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
