This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
